Dear Auri

A Latinx dad shares an intimate note to his son

“with you always”: A journal dedicated to Jeremy’s son

‘Hello, I’m Jeremy and this is an entry in one of my journals. This journal is special and was made with the intention of writing only to my kid. I wanted him to have something that allowed him to read about his early life, and how his dad really felt, through letters like entries or poems.

This one was hard to write but felt very necessary.”

Dear Auri,

I wanted to share a moment with you that you won’t remember, but it felt important to share with you.

A couple weeks ago I was getting ready for work and was a little behind. You had other plans though; you walked up to me saying “book” and holding a blue book. How could I say no to you? I couldn’t. With my jacket and winter boots on ready to spend a day driving in freezing temperatures I squat down and grab the book from you. You snuggle into me and I start reading “I love you daddy”.

I’m filled with joy that you wanted cuddles and a moment to read with dad before we face the world. About half way through my voice cracks, and I feel my eyes water. I wish I could just say it was the beautiful moment that caused this, but what caused the crack was worry.

You see, for weeks now federal ICE agents have been here and snatching brown and black folks under false pretense of national security. They claim to be going after undocumented immigrants, but they truly are just grabbing anyone who isn’t white and detaining them. Citizens have been taken from Minnesota and sent to Texas within a day. As I’m reading I’m thinking about how this could be the last time I read to you for a while. At best, if I’m taken, I’ll see you in eight hours, at its worst it could be months.

I think about how much we have bonded, about how fast you’ve been growing in front of my eyes, and about how at any moment I’m out driving alone I could go missing from your life. I hear your sweet voice calling for ‘dada,; I think about the little smile you give me when you first see me after daycare.

I felt the crack in my voice, and smoothed it out. Pulled it together for that moment because you’re not even two and you shouldn’t have to feel this. I’m afraid of them taking our time away, but dada isn’t going to let them stop me from providing you and mama what is needed. Your dad isn’t going to stop supporting his community and being there for friends and family.

They want us hiding living in fear, but in these moments you fight back in every way you can.

Cook for your friends, call out the wrong behavior, make art, hold your friends close, and never lose hope.